Okay let me be real here. My day today was a struggle. I realised in the morning that James telling people to ‘let not many of you be teachers of the word for you shall suffer a stricter judgement‘ was a very scary thing indeed.
I realised that the judgement is not on some faraway day called judgement day, but that judgement is now, always must be now. If I am teaching God’s word then I shall have the full brightness of the light of the son of God shone upon me…Any cracks in that pot?(or Am I a crackpot?)
About 1pm I was at a farm to drop off some bins of fruit for processing there and the owner of the farm told me to unload my truck up at the far shed. That involves opening the curtains and removing 12 metal gates and placing them at each end of the truck. After that the owner told me, “No, move your truck down here and we’ll unload it here.”
I protested immediately to him and under my breath called him a few choice things. After a few minutes he came up to me as I was beginning to close up the truck to move it, and said not to worry, just leave it there. I got on the forklift and started unloading the fruit…not grateful that he had changed his mind at all, but really annoyed at the whole episode! Again I alternated between calling him names and repenting and giving thanks to the Father for him.
After I drove off to another farm 30 minutes away it hit(occurred to) me that I do not know God. I know about him, I know that he has done things for me….but I dont know him! Then I realised why I was so annoyed with the farmer.
HE SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THAT!!
I realised that I thought he should be better BECAUSE that is exactly how I judge myself. I should be better! I should not be calling people names, getting offended, holding a grudge, feeling superior, judging others….I do that because I want to be a better person! But I dont know God….If I said I know Him, I would be a liar like all other men.
So I realised just what a pretender I am. That is very discouraging!
The thing is, I say to God, “I want to know you Father” ….but really I don’t I just want Him to do stuff for me…or to use me…and make me better, stronger, greater! In truth I don’t want God, or Jesus, I just want to be a better man!
This all dawned on me today. I was telling Father all this as I drove to and fro between farms. And the thing is I cannot change any of that in me.
Wanting to be a better person seems like a noble thing and many of us aspire to that.
But in reality wanting to be a better person is a total denail of Jesus Christ and His work on the cross for you. Hahaa, just noticed I mispelt denial….but it is true..we want to denail Jesus from the cross…we say to God,
You don’t have to nail Jesus to the cross for me, I am a good person and will try hard to be a better person.
To desire to be better is the rotten fruit from the Garden when Adam hated being the image and likeness of God and wanted instead to be like the glorious shining jewel encrusted being tempting him. He already was God’s image…but Satan said he could be IF he ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Wanting to be a better person FOR God….is the height of rebellion, denying the Lord who bought you…and instead wanting the old man to live before God. But God killed the old man! God has condemned the old man forever! God will not ever help the old man to be better. Ten steps to being a better you? Puke!Vomit!
I could see those things in others…but today for once I saw it in me and it has undone me and shaken me to the core!!
The answer is always the same.
Jesus is the only life God offers us. Jesus is the only righteousness God has for us. He aint interested at all in making you a better anything!! We must accept the judgement God has meted out upon us. Guilty failures who can not keep God’s laws, cannot please God in our own selves. The death that He died He died for all..including you and me….why? So that we would be put to death in the flesh and raised up in the spirit! His Spirit! That we would find Him alone to be our only life and righteousness.
That we would give up any notion of self sufficiency apart from Jesus and by faith take Him to be our only life.
It is the good people who will kill Christ over and over..Why? Because their goodness is fake and they know God knows it…they fell threatened by His light and love and so simply must kill this Jesus who offers them Himself instead of the lie they live in.
So let any reader reading me, know for a fact that I Dennis Rhodes am a lying hypocrite who pretends to be a man of God when in fact I don’t even know God!!